Why It Sucks to Be Born as a Velvet Worm
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Being born a velvet worm sounds cool until you realize your whole existence is basically a slow-motion horror movie. You move like a wet sock, you shoot sticky slime out of your face to catch food, and your mating life? Pure nightmare fuel. Males don’t woo, they just sneak-attack with sperm. And if you're a female, congrats—you might store that sperm for months like a bizarre biological hoarder. Also, your defense mechanism? Slime. That’s it. You don’t bite, sting, or run. You ooze. Velvet worm life isn’t velvet at all—it’s awkward, weird, and mildly gross from start to finish. Why It Sucks to Be Born as a Velvet Worm
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