Half in the Bag: 2025 Mid-Year Catch-up

Video Description

Tell me about it, sailor! Hi, I’m Krebs Gorlon and I’m currently on sabbatical from my career as a window to window vacuum cleaner salesman so I’m writing you this intro. Yes, you heard me right. I sell vacuum cleaners via windows. I knock. I peek. Sometimes I break the glass. People stopped answering their doors for salesmen years ago, so I decided to take a new approach. Windows! Sure, they scream. They point firearms at me. They say they are going to call the police. And things get really weird when I try to climb into their windows, especially the bathroom windows. But do they buy a vacuum? They sure don’t! That’s why I’m on sabbatical. I mean that’s why I was fired. Mike and Jay pay me 12 cents a word to write intros to their videos (hence the length). So in this video Mike and Jay are back in the VCR repair shop to have another wacky adventure and to recap just a few films they saw recently. They really wanted to focus on a large piece of ass movie called “The Other” a movie filled with tropes and bad acting and a weird, stupid plot that will leave you scratching the hole in your head. The other movies are all pretty good and worth a watch. Are they the best movies ever made?!?! Nope. So calm down you angry keyboard-typers. It’s just a few light recommendations. Enjoy watching these old clowns try to speak is really the fun part of these videos. Mike looks so old and haggard it's like he's sliding his fat ass right into his grave. Jay's brain is rotting from the outside in. You can see it in his dead eyes and forced laughter. He's a dumb ass head. One might also suggest he's lost his edge. You see, Jay used to be "straight edge" meaning he never drank bleach or snorted powdered milk lips. Then he started smoking crack and doing bong loads or crypto currency shots off bartenders backsides and cracksides and BOOM! He was on a roll. He tried to get Rich Evans to start abusing substances too. First he started at McDonald's. Boy, was THAT a mess! And yes I'm talking about the bathroom floor. Then he took Rich to a whisky bar. One shot later Rich was riding a mechanical bull. True story! Rich flew off the mechanical bull and right out the window and into another bar. Landed right on the stool. He said, "Lou. Get me a milk. Chocolate." and from that day on Rich Evans never touched the stuff. Booze not milk whips or crypto shots. Mike (The ugly fat old dumb one) drinks soooo much booze every day of the year that when he went to his doctor his doctor told him that he shouldn't stop drinking. "why?" Mike asked. The doctor replied, "Because it'll kill you" - true story. You see if Mike went cold turkey with the booze, his heart and liver would explode or combust. The doctor told him to ease into being off booze. Try one less bottle of Jack Daniels each morning until he was down to 15 bottles a day. Then they could talk. After the doctor's appointment Mike rode that mechanical bull home while throwing back some cans of Schlitz. He converted the mechanical bull into a short-range car. He was able to obtain the beast because of a deal he made with the tavern owner. "You give me the mechanical bull, Rich Evans won't sue." he said. So every so often you might see Mike on the expressway riding his bull. You'll have to change lanes because the goddamn thing only goes 8 miles an hour, but hey it's a living! Speaking of a living, back to my job as a window to window vacuum cleaner salesman. About a year ago I peeked into Rich's window to try to make a sale. I hear that man is so dirty he just might benefit from the newest Dyson XJ21000 model. It's the same vacuum they used to clean up Chernobyl. I was about to knock on his window when I spied him pooping into his own hands and wiping his own fecal matter onto his own walls. He was dressed as a Nun as well. Now this wasn't the weird part. The weird part was he now had a shelf of Warhammer figures and a photo of himself as a toddler in a Wendy's ad framed on the wall. What a liar! He told that whole story but it was really about him. He could never make a real friend at a minor league baseball game! What a liar! He's a scum sucker. He's filth. Mike is now considering returning the mechanical bull and suing Rich Evans himself on behalf of the bar that over-served that lightweight! Ultimately this tale is about windows. Windows, both literal and figurative. I saw who Rich really was by peering into his window. Rich flew threw a window after being tossed by a mechanical bull, which changed his life. And Jay? Well, Jay needs to throw himself out of a window because he enjoys the Final Destination movies.